Upvoted: Lawyer thinks D&D involves murder. In 2016. via /r/DnD

Lawyer thinks D&D involves murder. In 2016.

So I posted this as a comment elsewhere, and then realized it's actually a pretty funny little story and thought it deserved it's own post.

Ok, so buckle up bitches while I tell you something AMAZING.

As we all know certain dummies used to believe d&D was a method of violence and or Satan worship.

There are people who still think this.

But FirstofHerKind, you might ask, how do you know?

Well I’ll tell you.

So I was in a custody battle against my abusive ex and getting my case together with my lawyer. He was accusing me of being a “Party girl” who was out at all hours and basically trying to paint me as some kind of drunken town bicycle.

You guys. I was, in fact, a party girl. But in this case party referred to me being an elven assassin in league with two dwarven kings and a half orc monk who was bffs with mother fuckin Bahamut. We played at a friends house 2 or three Saturday’s a month. We got home around 2 am, and We got a ride from our DMs Dad like we were 14.

I explained this to my lawyer and here’s where it gets amazing. She dead pan looked at me and asked if we ever hurt anyone. I was confused as fuck because it’s 2016 at that point and I was in no way ready for what was happening.

Me: what? I mean there’s violence in the game, but we’re hero’s. We fight like, evil Kong’s and dragons and stuff.

Her: ok, what do you mean by that? Like are people dragons or?

Me: I don’t understand.

Her: well is this a way to plan harm on a person?

Me: (it finally clicks) ahahahahaha! I’m sorry! Haha! Sorry! No! What? No. It’s like if you mashed up a video game and board game. It’s a story telling game. It’s make believe, fantasy. There are elves and dwarves and shit.

Her: (still serious)so you guys don’t go out anywhere and like… DO anything?

Me: we sit at a table and eat junk food while Rolling dice and looking at stats. It’s… no one has EVER done what your saying. That was church propaganda that’s been heavily disproved. It’s not a thing. That never happened, not even once. We’re out of shape nerds pretending to know spells and speak to unicorns.

I had to spend 10 more minutes convincing her that DND in no way involved murdering real, living people.

In the end it was really only the fact that I audio recorded all our sessions (I liked to listen to them while I did chores for laughs and to help keep continuity) that got her to relax, because there was physical evidence that we were not an evil cult.

Edit: holy cow! I did not think this was going to get this much attention. So uh…I guess I’ll clear up a few

yes, 2016. This happened 2 years ago. I only got on Reddit recently and had totally forgotten about this story till something triggered the memory.

I didn’t get a new lawyer, she was assigned to me by the court since I, like a lot of women in my position, was broke. Everything turned out fine though and my girls went home with me at the end of it all. Also try not to be to hard on Ms. Lawyer. She was really very kind to me, and that she took time to meet me to plan when she had such a crazy case load (public lawyers represent dozens of people at any given time) was really generous of her. Even if she did have some very mislead notions on fantasy gaming lol.

Also! Thank you kind stranger for the reddit gold!!! I will find you in the comments and thank you there to, but I didn’t want to slack on the gratitude while I wade through this epic sea of comments.

Edit edit: I never told her the specifics of the characters played by myself or the party. That would have taken way to much extra explaining. I told you guy cause I figured you'd appreciate it. My wording was confusing. When I was explaining that I was NOT, in fact, a sloppy alcoholic whore (don't like to use that word, cause sex positivity but that's how I was being slandered sooo) but was instead occasionally playing games at a friend's house. She asked what kind, I said Dungeons and Dragons, halarity ensues,

Submitted January 12, 2018 at 07:20AM by Thefirstofherkind
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